The rough cracked undergrowth
doesn’t hurt much
now that a clearing has appeared
for a while
The water is familiar and beautiful,
a deep well of buried impulses;
I lie beside and take long draughts
I know the forest awaits,
but I am scared of the trees.
Can you distinguish amongst them?
Perhaps, that’s for the best.
I would be a fantastic tree,
yes I know and many say so
while others ask why I left the clearing
and why I shall again
The water tastes wonderful.
I’ve felt its power before and
made promises, taken vows
and I shall do so again – of course
I know you can’t help me keep them.
Solitude, here, is prized and cursed,
and like always, leaves me unsure.
I could give it a name,
the name corresponding to it,
but we don’t seem to do so anymore.
I may take the long way around,
come at it from all sides,
picking and prodding until
it lays tired, naked and defeated.
But realize it isn’t the same
as deliberate obscurantism,
as making language counter-productive,
for fear of well meant but ill directed labels.
Your modernity is regressing,
afraid of all it once despised,
stumbling over the morality
of things easily resolved by conscience.
Let’s all laugh once again,
without hesitance or shame,
at the dreariest of all despairs,
at the holiest of all doctrines….
and disregard the reproach
of those on whom the
importance of intention is lost.
Rest your eyes
Unglazed – they might see me
I am beside you
Outside the realm of purpose
What connection do you seek?
Who do you represent?
Blue, blues and more blue
I’d rather try the mean reds
Know that my feet are still kicking
and if you look hard enough
you might see my tired eyes
devouring frantically while they stay
above this surface below which lies
all I never wished to be accustomed to
I do return each night – kicking,
breaking through for a little while,
trying to not recognize the reluctance
that questions the pretense
of a self-regulated time bound struggle
I was told that I am
ill-prepared for the privilege of living,
always too afraid and uncertain,
forever invested in trivial concerns
Yet it is the recognition of these inclinations,
which make sense only in light of immortality,
that pushes me to prolong this experiment
Is there any consolation in defying ignorance,
only to acquire the knowledge of certain failure?
I have a feeling we’ll discover there is
How rampantly I seem to be progressing!
There are questions to be answered
and I am now part of the rhetoric
that can answer them.
I don’t need you to remind me
of what I used to say
or belittle even,
as if memory was the problem
or in any way the solution.
But let’s not talk about solutions.
Lies, I have discovered, only need consistency
and positive reinforcements,
well abetted by the doubts that I
am not ready to give the requisite time to
or garner enough courage to face.
Again, with your admonishments – stop!
and realize that you are simply a weak manifestation
of a dwindling urge that is too sporadic to matter;
a dull self appeasing distraction
that is too dependent on its own failure.
So isn’t it better if I focus towards where I am going?
Even if I still need your medium to convince myself,
which if nothing else does remind me
how comfortable I seem with contradictions
and how well aware of my own hypocrisy.