It is the same winter as last year
Outside, the familiar yet forgotten winds
Slither through my fingers
Uncurling my fists
Gliding over an older body
More settled, more comfortable, more resigned
More everything I didn’t set out to be
The way is dark and unclear
The turns evading my steps
Angry perhaps, hostile
Unwilling to forgive the abandonment
And now the winds – at first rushing through
Reverse their path
Pushing against my weakened resolve
My tired legs held captive to their strength
The message reverberates with each gust
With each false step
With each forced pause
With each unheard plea
What was cherished and then lost
Can be renewed but not reclaimed
This isn’t the time to look at him
Outstretched arms, more limp than taut,
absorb the overwhelming applause
Sweat beads glisten
under the new lights;
you knew they would
It is easy to find him;
he is looking at you;
that’s the trick
Hold steady now;
It’s almost over;
Does it feel good?
Remember how you once were
the ice cream vendor
on a hot summer day?
And then your sunken eyes
reflect the truth
the way the sea recedes
and reveals empty shells.
Aren’t you a shell?
A hardened hollow structure
of vestiges from an ambitious past,
crudely assembled by unsure hands.
The years have caught up with you
and left much behind,
littering your memories
at each familiar turn.
I am right beside her
Lying in bed
We are awake and aware
Our hearts not in our occupations
Overworking our idleness
Just praying for the other
To fall asleep
And then a minute later
I sleep myself
The rough cracked undergrowth
doesn’t hurt much
now that a clearing has appeared
for a while
The water is familiar and beautiful,
a deep well of buried impulses;
I lie beside and take long draughts
I know the forest awaits,
but I am scared of the trees.
Can you distinguish amongst them?
Perhaps, that’s for the best.
I would be a fantastic tree,
yes I know and many say so
while others ask why I left the clearing
and why I shall again
The water tastes wonderful.
I’ve felt its power before and
made promises, taken vows
and I shall do so again – of course
I know you can’t help me keep them.
Solitude, here, is prized and cursed,
and like always, leaves me unsure.